“Phone gone”: married to the smartphone

When people in a romantic relationship spend time together, they expect attention. Melanie, a young woman in her early 30s, had canceled with a friend to spend the evening with her partner. But apparently she didn’t know anything and had been staring at her smartphone for 45 minutes. “Please put your cell phone down!” Melanie had imagined the evening together differently.

Research shows that excessive cell phone use undermines relationship satisfaction. This is mainly because the quality of communication suffers. If you’re distracted by your cell phone, you’re not giving your full attention to a conversation. You notice that, especially in intimate relationships.

But here too there are differences. Among young people, casual cell phone use next to another person is an accepted form of spending time together. But their parents usually see things differently. People who are plagued by fear of commitment are also especially bothered when they have to fight for their partner’s attention with their smartphone. For them, being ignored means a devaluation of their person. How long can a person with low self-esteem tolerate the lack of intimacy? It usually doesn’t take long for a conflict to arise.

As in Melanie’s relationship, “Handy&Chill” has become the number one love killer in many a partnership. Aligning expectations can help: What do you want to do when we spend time together? Is it possible to have your undivided attention for a certain amount of time? At least for the duration of the dinner? Maybe we can watch and talk about the fascinating content on the smartphone together? Maybe try sexting from the next room.

Whatever the solution, you probably won’t be able to change your partner’s media behavior anytime soon. But at least there is room for common ground. If even that is no longer possible, one must sincerely ask: am I ready to switch my sex life to vibrating calls?

Read more columns HERE!