“When I talk about orgasm, many women write to tell me about a similar experience.”

Motherly travel is revolutionizing every aspect of life. Even if life is square, it is rounded. Motherhood forced Paola Roig to approach feminism and discovered the Soro practice. Since her first birth, this mental health professional has specialized in perinatal psychology, a branch of psychology that deals with the emotional aspects of pre-conception, pregnancy, the postpartum period, and the parent.

She met psychologist Samantha Lipkin in the postpartum group when the babies were making croquettes on the carpet, and it was there, in conversations shared with postpartum women, that both mothers and psychologists made sense. Pell to pell. This is the physical space (in Barcelona) and online, which already has eight psychologists accompanying and attending the maternity ward (and their headaches) in groups or individually, pregnancy, postpartum period, parental and gestational mourning. Now, Roig’s debut as a writer Დeda (Bruguera, 2022), a book in which she offers ways to live motherhood with maximum self-confidence, happiness and fullness.

You talk about the concept of “cure for childbirth”, what do you mean, how can it be cured?

Often the experience of birth is not what we imagined. Sometimes it surprises us positively, but sometimes it surprises the other side. When this happens, it can be difficult to develop and integrate these experiences. A duel can be resolved. The duel, which is also badly perceived by the environment, by saying “but do not complain if you and the baby are well” becomes a motherly experience invisible. It is forgotten that there was also the birth of a mother during childbirth. It leaves a mark on us and the feeling that something went wrong, in addition to being painful, often leads to feelings of guilt. How do I feel if I have my child with me and I am the happiest person in the world? This can lead to the strengthening of emotions around childbirth and create discomfort for a long time. Curing childbirth for me means integrating it. The first thing we need is his story. Explain. With every trifle. So that no one will interfere with us and interrogate us.

Often the experience of birth is not what we imagined. When this happens, it can be difficult to develop and integrate these experiences. There may be a resolving duel that is usually poorly understood in the environment

It proves to be a pain in most childbirths. But this pain and suffering is not the same. what’s the difference?

Yes, most births in the West are painful. Anyway, when I talk about orgasm childbirth on my networks, I’m surprised by the number of women who write to me about similar experiences. But, obviously, this is not the case in most cases. The pain and suffering is easy to understand if we compare the pain of childbirth with the pain of a broken arm. We feel pain in case of a broken hand. This pain warns us that something is wrong and it usually causes suffering. Pain during childbirth means the opposite. The pain brings us closer to our little one. It’s a pain in life.

What psychological mechanisms do we have to deal with it?

It’s very difficult to deal with this pain because it is so scary. In general, we have seen deliveries in fiction with great suffering. And this picture has spread among us. In this regard, it is important to read about physiological childbirth. Know what they are like. What is happening. What mechanisms are activated. It is often helpful to think that pain during a normal birth is sent by your body. It comes from you. Not from the outside. And so he will not send you more than you can handle.

She says it is not natural that motherhood has grown into a private sector: “It is not natural that each of us is on our own floor. In our huge city. Why did we finish upbringing alone, what is the “natural” way?

An African proverb says that raising one child requires an entire tribe. I would say that mother support also needs an entire volume. I think years ago mothers had a lot of community. We were close to our own mother, cousins, sisters-in-law … women who were mothers and accompanied us in all this. I think we do not have as much contact with other mothers today as there was a mother. And that we also have so much information that we sometimes deny the support we would have from our family. The result is that we are very alone. And you can not alone. When you share your motherly experience, when you talk to other mothers about how you feel, when you find a safe place, everything becomes much easier.

What can a care group do for a woman?

I recommend you have a care network. It does not matter if it’s your family or your mom’s friends or the weekend space with other families. But for me it is fundamental to have other mothers around: who to watch, who to clean up with. In addition, at the logistical level, networking is also essential. We mothers are very much in demand, personally and professionally, and we can not achieve everything. What if our child is sick and we do not have permission to miss a paid job? We need to build a support network, both emotionally and logistically.

Part of this loneliness that mothers feel is inherent in the postpartum period. I love comparing motherhood to adolescence, it’s a time of many similarities. Both are periods of change and transformation, they prepare us to take on greater responsibilities.

I remember I was in a room where twenty people were watching my little one and I was feeling deeply lonely. Why is this feeling so shared by mothers in the first months?

I think part of this loneliness that mothers feel is innate after childbirth. I like to compare motherhood (so-called “matrescence”) with adolescence. These are years of life that have many similarities. Both are periods of change and transformation. Both involve physical and emotional changes. Both prepare us for greater responsibility in the future. There are also moments of loneliness in adolescence and very deep. You probably have a lot of friends, but your process is yours. You are alone in this and you have to put up with it. And similar things happen in the postpartum period. You may be accompanied, but the weight you feel is a big responsibility on you. And there is no other way to go.

She affirms that Sorosism and feminism met motherhood.

I realized we could not do it alone. The accompanying is much simpler. And I also realized that most of the wars they sell us are fictional. It does not matter if you give a bottle, use a wheelchair or have a mate. Is a part of you, a very intimate part that other mothers understand. And is a part of them that you also understand. And it combines everything. We need each other together, without trials and absurd wars.

What is postpartum dysphoria or, as the English call it, “baby blues”?

The Baby blues Are the slightest changes that occur in our mood in the days following childbirth. They can include feelings of sadness, anxiety, unhappiness, and exhaustion. They should not last more than two weeks and not the whole day during this period. They are due to the hormonal changes we are experiencing as well as the great emotional refinement that comes with realizing that we are mothers now and all that that entails.

Mothers experience a lot of social needs, the label of a good mother weighs heavily. And a good mother can not feel sad, overwhelmed and tired. It is because of this gravity, because of the crime, that it is often hidden, scattered, and they ask for little help.

It states that postpartum depression is a mental disorder most affected by the global female population. So many women and so little noise? You call it “smiling depression.”

There is a clear gender difference here. What happens to us women rarely matters or takes place. And it also affects our physical and mental health. There is little noise exactly as well because of the guilt that is generated by the women who experience it. Mothers experience a lot of social needs, the label of a good mother weighs heavily. And a good mother can not feel sad, overwhelmed and tired. It is because of this weight, because of the crime that it is often hidden, perpetrated and asked for little help. I think the cases of this disorder also show how helpless and lonely we are as mothers. From the small support we have.

He talks about “drive phobia” in his book.

This is the fear that some mothers feel about harming their baby. It differs from common fears of motherhood in that in this case we visually present ourselves as the cause of the harm. One is to be afraid that the child will fall off the changing table and the other is to be afraid that we ourselves will harass him. These types of thoughts, which are called intrusive, come to mind without control. They respond to high levels of anxiety and also generate a lot of guilt. It is first and foremost important to break the taboo on these issues. That this or something similar happens to you does not mean that you are a bad mother. Nor does what comes to mind come true.

To survive, you need someone to support you, both physically and logistically. Someone bring you a glass of water, put on the washing machine or prepare food. And also in an emotional sense, a person who listens to what you are experiencing

She says women need children, support, intimacy, self-care and respect to go through childbirth. Tell us your support and respect.

To survive, you need someone to support you in the physical and logistical sense of the word. Someone bring you a glass of water, put on the washing machine or prepare food. And also in an emotional sense, a person who can understand what you are experiencing. We mothers need to find our way to motherhood. We have to try and sometimes make mistakes, it is very difficult if we live surrounded by judgments and opinions.

I really liked the term “water manager”. What can couples do to care for us?

I read this term on @pambambtomaquet, an Instagram account about paternity, and he used it for his function of delivering water to his wife in the postpartum period. The best way to care for a baby is to take care of the mother. If we hydrate the mother, if we give her a glass of water when she needs it, we will hydrate the baby as well. It is important for couples to continue to look at each other, literally and metaphorically. Listen to what we feel and take time every day to touch each other, to feel closeness, to know that we are a team and we are together in this.