Miscarriage: “Why me?”

Everything was fine until the 11th week of pregnancy. But then Catherine miscarried. “Why me?” Katharina has been wondering to herself and the world ever since. A reason why she lost her baby is unknown. Psychologically, that’s bad, because it leaves room to wonder what you could have done differently. The helplessness often leads to feelings of guilt. Although Katharina feels alone, she really isn’t. Because an estimated one in five pregnancies does not end with the birth of a live baby.

Studies show that a miscarriage or stillbirth can cause both depression and anxiety disorders. In the long run, women can even be affected by trauma-related conditions, for example when they are flooded with memories, unable to calm down and trying to avoid the subject of child and birth. The burden is usually greatest for those women who have had multiple miscarriages, lack social support, and end up childless. The partners also miscarry, but generally to a lesser extent than the person who is no longer pregnant.

Whether it’s childbirth, menstruation, abortion or an unfulfilled desire to have children, women’s reproductive health is still a social taboo. The fact that miscarriages are not talked about increases the isolation and grief of those affected. Interestingly, if asked, everyone knows someone who has had to integrate a miscarriage or stillbirth into their life. Talking about difficult life events makes many people uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say. Why not just ask: How are you today? Grief can be a lengthy process. It is better digested in speech than in silence.

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