The last mental dribble at San Siro

Albert Camus He wrote that “There is no place in the world where a person can be happier than in a football stadium.” However, it is not for Martin Bengtson (3/14/86) in 2004 he wanted to end his life by cutting his wrists because of the pressure and stress that dragged him into depression.

Far from everything he used to dream of in the world of football, Bengtsson did not live up to all the expectations that were generated Milan. “My only goal was to be a footballer and my whole life revolved around that. There was only football.”

Afterwards, a minor injury left him lying on the sofa as his head searched for answers.

From dream to nightmare

Martin Bengtson Arrived at Orebro SK from IK Sturehov in 2002 with 15 years. He is a talented midfielder who, a year later, made his first team debut. Some clubs like it Ajax and the Chelsea they looked at him when he made his debut in the Swedish U17 team with 20 starts and 3 goals and they offered him training in their teams in the lower categories with an eye towards getting to him. But it is the Inter Milan who took it in 2004.

In his book ‘In the shadow of San Siro’, Bengtsson describes his childhood and the dream of a professional contract in Italy. But it also depicts the struggle of a teenager transitioning into young adulthood and, at the same time, searching for an identity that largely consists of developing his soccer talent.

Someone is talking

He is making his debut in the team spring (low category of the first team) and everyone was impressed by his quality, but then, slowly, that boy’s gaze began to light up little by little, until it became dull, sad and mournful. As if that was not enough, a knee injury came, and his mind was filled with bad thoughts: “That was at the end of the first season at Inter. During that time, when I couldn’t play football, I felt alone, sitting on the sofa in the living room. Without football I don’t know what to do, because when you play football at this level, all you think about is the ball and how to improve as a footballer. I needed someone to talk to and they just told me I need to work hard and think positive to get over the damage.”

Life in the lower categories is a life made up of training, studying and fixed hours: ”Many young soccer players say that their life is like a prison, without freedom of movement. I wanted to go out and asked if I could go into town to buy a guitar, and have something to do, while I wasn’t playing football. They repeated ‘tomorrow’, ‘tomorrow’”. He understood that life was not for him, but maybe he was too proud to just say ‘hello, I’m not cut out for this’. He acknowledges that “I was very ashamed and that shame led me to think that the solution was to take my own life.” He spent only 9 months as a neroazzurro.

suicide attempt

music sounds from David Bowie and the knife is ready. At the age of 18, on the morning of September 21, 2004, Martin Bengtson he cuts his veins to slowly bleed. The cleaning lady was the first to see the horrible scene and alert the doctors of the residence ASD Niguarda Calcium They were able to stabilize him and save his life. Then they send him a therapist who tells him, “You have everything you could ever want in life, everything. You’re a footballer at one of the biggest clubs in the world, you’re going to make a lot of money, you’re going to have a car, you’ll have all the girls you want… How can you be sad? In that moment he understood how people see players. Their lives seem perfect. “Perfect or not, it’s not for me.”

get out of depression

He left the club, returned to Sweden and played one season in the Second Division to finally leave it at the age of 19. In 2007 he wrote his autobiography in which he brought back all his ghosts explaining that he came from a destructive masculinity, embracing his vulnerability and thinking about how to manage the competitiveness that is constantly experienced within a team so as not to create a hostile and oppressive environment. or how to distinguish what a footballer does on the pitch and what happens to him off the pitch. He acknowledges that now, fortunately and more and more, mental issues are being addressed because they have a direct impact on the game.

books and biopics

After releasing a book about his experience, in 2020 his autobiographical film titled ‘Tigrar’ (‘Tigers’) was released, which perfectly reflects the atmosphere inhaled in many clubs. Bengtssonfinally, he can play guitar in a band while explaining his history in clubs and schools